Lately I've been feeling like there are a million directions that I could go in, or things I could do and that I'm getting nowhere fast with any of them.
I don't usually blog about this stuff but I'm starting to think I need to lay all my cards out on the table. If for nothing else than to give myself the room and perspective taking something outside your own head often brings.
I've mentioned a few times in passing that I haven't been feeling well off and on for a while. But the truth is I haven't been feeling well for over a year. One day I started getting dizzy spells, soon those spells turned into dizzy days and those days turned into weeks with no cause readily available.
With over a year of being dizzy, at least a few times each day, I had to make some adjustments to my life.
I left my job. Not only was the stress not good for me but I just couldn't make it there everyday and do what was expected as part of my job.
I don't travel alone much anymore. And by travel I mean more than 30-40 minutes away from home if I'm alone feels beyond my limit. If I'm alone I need to know that I can either wait out a dizzy spell or easily grab a cab home.
I don't do a lot of the things I used to- and if I still do them it's in some sort of an adjusted way to compensate for being dizzy.
I'm often tired and don't have the energy I used to. Being tired often leads to being more dizzy. Sort of a vicious chicken and egg situation. Someone described it to me best by saying that being dizzy makes you tired because your brain is working overtime to compensate for it's mixed signals. The more tired you are the less your brain can compensate.
I'm not used to not working and feel like I need to do something- no matter how small. Problem is I don't really know what my limit is. The best compromise is to try and do something that's for myself, creative, enjoyable, not very high-pressure. And very part time/flexible, so that I can work around how I feel on any given day.
So I've been exploring some of those options- but I'm afraid my blogging has been taking a bit of a hit.
I hate that in these past few weeks the combination of trying to figure out "whats next" and me feeling very dizzy has meant that the blog has gone without frequent posting. It's also the Halloween season and I'm feeling the pressure that posting on both blogs is going to bring.
But I love them both and do not want to give them up!
I've been very hesitant to mention this on the blog- it could all be a huge fail because I may not have the energy it takes to do even a small very part time business. I just don't know!
I figure coming clean about all this will not only help me by giving all these thoughts some space outside my head but I might also regain the ability to post about the crafty things I'm working on. Which until now have been "secret" since I'd been working on all of this stuff "behind the scenes".
So there you go- the confessions/ramblings of this crafter. And an explanation for the recent posting dry spell.